Apparently I can’t purchase anything without it turning into a fiasco.

So, last winter I was in desperate need of winter boots. Well, to be honest, the winter before I really needed them to combat the copious amount of snow that was dumped on Northern Japan, but I digress. I hit the malls, every mall, I went to sporting good stores and Mountain Equipment Co-op and generally everywhere in this city. I quickly realized that if I didn’t want crazy clunky North Face boots, or crazy ugly Uggs, I was S.O.L. Downhearted, I found myself at a remote horse riding supply shop on Boxing Day. To my surprise they had a fair selection of non-offensive boots. Short story long, I bought these.

And I was happy. Not too sporty, not too casual, just right. Except that they started to skin my heels. Inexplicably, I waited until last week to go bring them back. Seeing that the boots had a one year warranty, I was somewhat confident that I would be able to return them. No dice. Apparently the manufacturer’s website is a liar and it’s actually a one to three month warranty. Nice. I was told I could either wait forever to hear back from the manufacturer about a refund or I could exchange them for something from their now very minimal stock. Not wanting to trudge out into the snow in my heeless mary janes, I bought these.

To be honest I didn’t even like them that much but they were warm and my feet were cold so it seemed like a good call despite the fact that I would have to chip in a whopping $110 more than the original boots cost. Then they also began to shred my heels. Back to the store I went.

To my delight, not only did the cashier not give me attitude, she was also unaware that my first boots were unreturnable and she gave me a full refund for both boots. I sprinted through the parking lot before she could realize her mistake and try to take back my two hundred plus dollars.

Although I was now flush with mad cash, I was with chilly toes. Back to the mall where the Ugg/space boot dilemma again reared it’s ugly head.

But, being the optimistic sort (stop laughing) I saw an opportunity present itself. I’ve been whining for year that I want to dress less like this:

Especially in the winter. Instead of droopy pants and boring button down shirts, I wanted to wear pencil skirts, with knee boots and wool tights with a cable sweater. Think that chick who jumps on Hugh Grant in Love, Actually.

My problem was I didn’t have the boots and if I didn’t have the boots I couldn’t wear the skirts let alone the tights. But I couldn’t have the boots because according to every boot retailer I have tree trunk legs. Then I caught wind of Duo boots. These Monocos immediately found their way on to my hint list.

I love these boots. Deeply. But they’re not exactly the thing for running through the slush for the bus on my way to teach kindergarten.

So I started to think: if I got a pair of slightly more casual Duo boots, the snow would stay out of my socks but I would look like I actually think about what I wear, and they didn’t have to be lined with Thinsulate, because I can knit socks! I had a tough time deciding between the very practical Malmo

and the slightly sassier Ravenna

but an emergency caucus with shoe expert Michelle determined that Ravenna would look better with a skirt and would still be wearable. And so a pair of shapely, purty boots is on its way.

But what does this have to do with anything crafty?

Well 1) I plan on making this skirt (sidebar: Vogue Patterns is having a $5.99 sale) out of some herringbone suiting fabric ASAP.

And 2) with new sassy skirt at the ready I will need legwear. Again, the chunky legs ruin my life. It is impossible to find knit tights that will go above my knees. I am seriously considering making something like these

Except not fugly.