It seems to me that too many of you out there are buying high quality yarn and making beautiful things with it. Furthermore, I open Interweave Knits or browse Ravelry and all I read are tips on how to make pretty things. But what is there for those of you who have money to burn and would like to destroy imported kettle dyed yarn?

  1. Have your lovely husband give you a $50 gift certificate to The Sweet Sheep for your anniversary.
  2. Spend just over $80 on Malabrigo kettle dyed yarn.
  3. When it arrives find it is a touch on the orange side for your liking.
  4. DO NOT exchange it for a more satisfactory yarn as that would involve waiting.
  5. Buy a packet of strawberry and one packet of grape Kool Aid at the grocery store and try your hand at dying a tiny amount of yarn.
  6. Be dissatisfied with the results and return to the store to buy seventeen packets of Grape Fantasy.
  7. Dump all of the Kool Aid into a large pot and add water only to find that you have a disgusting rust coloured liquid.
  8. Go to LYS to buy real, expert acid dye only to find they don’t have the colour you wanted.
  9. Return to grocery store and buy more of the powder that has now given you pink snot; eleven packets of strawberry and one grape.
  10. Dye up your yarn at one a.m. on a Friday night even though you are exhausted from the amazing Feist concert because waiting is for chumps.
  11. Awake to find that yarn is now even brighter than before.
  12. Return to grocery store and buy eight packets of fruit punch because you think blue would balance out the bright red and the package is blue so the powder must be blue.
  13. Find that powder is, in fact, red.
  14. Do not wait for LYS to open on Monday so you can buy real, quality acid dye, instead return to grocery store to buy ten packets of grape and have little children follow you home because you must be an awesome mom who feeds her kids nothing but high fructose corn syrup.
  15. Over-over-dye yarn once again and stir lots this time so colour is distributed evenly.
  16. Remove lid after setting for an hour to find an ugly felted mess.
  17. Cry to sympathetic husband on phone.
  18. Post blog entry.
  19. Congratulate self for being impatient loser who wasted a perfectly fine gift.
  20. Research hair falls so that ugly felted crap can be put to use.
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